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The current period represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {