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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?